Friday, April 23, 2010

My well done is going for its first turn.

So over this shit hey. Over being expected to be denied of sleep every weekend. So sick of being put second behind pathetic activities. So sick of being made to feel selfish by wanting to do nice things on my days off. So over everyone else moving forward and me struggling to plan ANYTHING worthwhile. Yes I may be being selfish. And yes the timing of my days is in some ways innapropriate. But get over it. What would be my dream? To actually book a 2 week holiday to London. Then the second I'm back, move out and get pregnant. So I at least have an excuse to stay in like I want to. I'm sick of feeling second best. I want the feeling of being pregnant. I'm the cluckiest woman on the planet but that's all I want. To be at home at night while he goes out, and feed my baby belly and experience the unconditional love I will feel. I'm not saying this in an attention seeking "I feel unloved" way. I'm saying it because that is what I want. I can't explain it further. I feel so happy in my love. I want to make it bigger. NO I'M NOT SERIOUSLY GOING TO FALL PREGNANT. I'm not that dumb. I'm aware I'm not even 24 and would hate it being stuck at home ALL the time. But it's days like today where I feel like it's my servant duty to accompany people to the cross EVERY saturday night. Even when they promise to stay in and watch movies with me. EVERYONE has a real job. GET ONE! Angry posts make for a sad Giselle. But how else do I explain how I feel, to the whole world wide web.