Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Deep in your soul. Is there light?

Why do I get blamed for everything?
Everyday someone comes up with a new excuse to blame something on me.
Whether it be something small like not picking up washing. Or something medium like not trying hard enough to get in contact with someone when they don't want to be contacted. Or something big like I ruined their entire day, they way the act it's like I killed their dog.
Going from 5 months of not working straight into full time work is FUCKING HARD! And no one seems to understand this. It is like a foreign concept to people. I'm learning a hundred things a day and yet I'm expected to drop everything to make people feel good about themselves. I love helping people don't get me wrong. I'm a friend and a lover and I try however I can to make your day and life better. But for once could someone take a step back and think about what might have happened to me? No one has asked me how work is. And the people who do only want one word answers as they can't be fucked to listen. I know to some people fashion retail may seem like the easiest job on the planet. But when you're getting trained to help manager up to 50 staff and expected to know every single bracelet, necklace, ring, hat, stocking, handbag, shoe and thats just my own area I have to know the garments too. It's HARD! And when all you want to do is come home and see someone you love who you haven't seen in weeks or someone you love, who would rather go to community service tomorrow than spend it with you. You don't feel super awesome about yourself. I've spent hardly ANY time with my friends in the past two weeks and everyone else has so it's a chore for them to spend AN HOUR with me. I know this is a blog. And I know that things like this are usually kept within. But I actually have NO ONE ELSE to talk to. So if you understand, I feel for you. Because nothing is worse than feeling as lonely as I do right now. Wish I was 3 again and could just cry whenever I felt like it. But at least I'm gettin some tears out now. Make that a lot of tears.

1 comment:

Fox said...

Hang in there, i get it x People will only understand when they have to grow up